"MOMMA, I'VE FALLEN & CAN'T GET UP!!!!!!" LITERALLY

Have you ever fallen and felt like you can't get up?! Or like someone or something is holding you down?! Like you are stuck in the pit of hell and are just trying to keep your cool?! Well that is EXACTLY how I have been feeling for about a year now. I'm jobless, live at home with my mom, 30 years old with no kids and I feel like my life is just passing me by. I've been jobless going on 3 years now and it's not that I am not looking, shit I fill out applications damn near everyday, I've found a part-time job that allows me to work from home and make my own hours but it's not enough for me. I have bills and a life that I want to fully enjoy, but I have no financial resources. Simply put, I FEEL USELESS!!!!! I've become a shell of my former self. I was once happy go lucky, now i'm just down on my luck. I used to view life with the glass is half full mentality, now my glass is just fucking empty. I was once optimistic and have since become a pessimist. I feel like my options in every aspect of life have dwindled and I will NEVER get outta this rut. I still know God has a plan for me, but I've become very impatient while waiting for it to be "my turn."

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO AND I AM SCREAMING FOR HELP!!!!!!!!!! 

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF:

So, this is my very 1st post and I haven't written in what feels like ages. I'm a little perplexed as to what to write about, so maybe I should start with something that I am a expert on: ME!!!!! LOL 
Well for starters I am a full grown woman, I am NOT your porcelain doll!!!! S/O Chrisette Michelle. LOL But seriously, I am a 30 year old, beautiful black, plus sized (FAT) woman who is at the age where she is questioning as well as trying to figure out A LOT of things about herself. I am not the girl I was 3 years ago. My mindset has changed and I am not as sure of things as I once was, yet I am more confident in life's miracles, mysterious, and triumphs. To put it in layman's terms: I AM FINDING MY TRUE SELF and this is my way of documenting my experiences. I am an AVID music lover (all genres), book reader, pop culture fanatic & fashion fiend. This blog will showcase my love as well as disdain for certain people places and things, so I welcome anyone who wants to ride shotgun with me on my journey. So relax, have some wine, put on your Sunday's Best, pop in your fave riding music & BUCKLE YOUR FUCKIN SEATBELT cause your in for 1 hell of a ride!!!!!! 


SINCERELY, 
THE MADAME